Friday, 25 September 2015

The dilemma of the dreamer who woke up to the real world



There are people that don't dream at all, 
there are people that dream, wake up, get over it and live their lives,
then there are people that dream but can't remember their dreams once they wake up
and then there are the dreamers that never actually quite wake up.

Arriving at a new place and quickly noticing you don’t belong there can be grueling and scary, especially if you’ve already been looking forward living in this place for a while.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love the city of my university. It’s a wonderful place, full of wonderful people and potential adventures awaiting but I didn’t expect being told right after arrival that they were going to kick me out of my temporary home after only two nights which didn’t exactly leave me a lot of time and room to still look for something permanent to live. Yet, I still decided to give it a try and spend hours over hours looking through the websites of estate agencies and accommodations for rent – unfortunately though, all, literally ALL, of the results I had gotten were either way too far, unfurnished, didn’t have any bills included or totally out of my budget.
So I sat back reflecting for a while and came to the conclusion that it eventually was going to be best to just go on a gap year for now, especially since this study year was initially thought of as a time filler until I could apply to another university for an entirely different course that I had only missed the deadline for. I thought to myself:  “Of what avail is this one year insight into a BA in business going to be to me if I am going to be homeless (because, yes, I can afford my tuition fees but, let's be really honest here, I can certainly not afford paying 1000GBP or even more for my accommodation only in addition to that)?!
I’m a spontaneous person, hard to get down, but it did frustrate and hurt me having to scrap the idea of studying this course for a year – especially because rejecting an idea once it has taken a hold of me is not usually something that would ever come to my mind.
It’s not actually frustrating and hurtful because I feel sad since I obviously won’t get the chance to study this course, it’s frustrating and hurtful because this experience has made me feel so weak and immature, not capable of managing my life and getting over any obstacles on my own – simply, not ready for adult life. 

It completely casted the delusional image I have had of myself as the “independent and always secure and extremely emotionally stable 19-year-old” out of the window while the actual me stayed behind staring into the chaotic and stormy ocean aka. "adult life" watching the wind carry it away until it got out of sight.
Let me tell you, when you spend almost your entire lifetime imagining yourself in a certain position, as a certain person at a certain age and then learn that whatever you have imagined yourself to be isn’t the actual you, then that can be extremely challenging and stressful! And that is the exact situation I’m in at the moment. Right now, I’m actually rather frustrated but once that feeling is gone, I suppose all that will be left is going to be fear of the future. What is gonna happen if the very center, the protagonist, of all your plans, concepts and ideas is suddenly gone? That changes everything. It’s like you’ll have to completely redefine yourself.
I felt like an adult, independent and free, after graduating from high school, leaving the protected environment I've studied in to conquer the world (aka. starting university) and all that suddenly vanished and left the scary actual image of myself: an insecure, naive teenager, totally helpless and with no plans of how actual life works.
See, that’s the big issue if you’ve been pampered all your life because at some point people are gonna stop offering their support, being concerned with your problems and taking care of you 24/7 and that’s when the shock, the realization that the real world is not at all the place where you’ve been living so far, hits you and it hits you with an incredibly relentless brutality leaving no room and time for dreams or castles in the air anymore – Now the problem with this is, no room for dreams also means no room for dreamers and no room for dreamers means no room for me. 

So for the coming months, until my actual course at my actual university is going to start it will be my job to “find myself” because, as stupid as this might sound, I’m finally understanding the importance of all this and what people actually mean when they talk about this stuff now!
In a way, I’m even glad I’ve made the experience at this point in time, as there is still time for me to change and find out who and what I actually am. 


I think this is a state most dreamers will find themselves in at some point of their lives, it's scary to suddenly 'wake up', not knowing if or when you'll ever be able to dream again, but although this might a gloomy time, it is certainly not a time to throw in the towel! I'm a firm believer that situations like this are supposed to teach us a lesson, and more importantly, that they, like the entire journey we call 'life', are supposed to be made the best out of. 

My intention is not to scare any of you who are still about to graduate and start university with this post. All I wanted was to simply tell you my story and recent experiences so that you won’t make the same mistake and wake up one day finding yourself in the same quandary that I’m in at the moment. 
So before you start your course/job (or whatever you are going to do after you graduate from high school or college), do some serious self reflection – this might sound ridiculous – but seriously, if you’re not 100% sure of how you are going to manage, live, afford things, arrange your time wisely, etc., think about a way to be 100% sure of all those things. Plan everything in advance, and in addition to that, maybe even develop a plan B just in case so you’ll be prepared if things don’t run as smoothly as you expect them to straight after the motto: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."
And then, even in the unlikely case of you getting into a situation similar to mine, always keep in mind: 


xx Micky


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34 comments

  1. Great post:) Thanks for sharing:)
    Have a nice weekend:)
    kisses

    http://irreplaceable-fashion.blogspot.com/

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  2. I love your writing as well, you have a really flow-y and interesting style! I definitely think the plan B is so important, not everything is a straight, linear road! Keep it up! ^_^
    Junniku blog!

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    1. Thank you! I'm really glad you've got something out of this post :)

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  3. I'm about to graduate in college and it actually scares me. I mean, the life after, the responsibilities and everything.. It makes me appreciate my parents for supporting me and everything I have right now. Thank you for sharing this post Micky. x

    http://beecaluya.com/

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    1. That's so true!
      Thank you for your opinion, I'm really glad you've liked it! <3

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  4. Hope everything goes well for you! Growing up is a scary thing to do;;
    http://astaeroid.blogspot.com/

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    1. That's really true, especially when you have absolutely no clue haha!
      Thank you <3

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  5. Lovely, deep post :) Love your blog design as well!
    Xx Sofia
    www.blogwithsofia.blogspot.co.uk

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  6. I think a lot of the times people forget to make a plan B because they're so caught up in their dreams... I had that problem and when things didn't go well it was like a slap in the face haha, this is a great post! Have a nice day! <3
    Minae ♥ MinaekeiLatest Blog Post!

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    1. That's so true and it's a really big problem for a lot of us, I believe!
      I'm glad you've liked this! <3

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  7. I didn't really take the time to reflect what I really wanted to be a few years ago so I took a whim in accounting and figured that maybe I might like. So wrong, so I switched majors and wasted a year of study. Anyway, I wish you good luck on everything hun!

    xoxo,
    www.thefrugalblogger.net

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    1. I'm sorry you've had to make this experience as well but I hope you've managed to find something you truly liked? Thank you so much! <3

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  8. Beautiful writing! I really enjoyed reading it!

    Wanna follow each other? I'm now following you NR. 51, hope you follow back!
    Kisses!
    http://thepinkporcelaindoll.blogspot.co.at/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'll check your blog and follow back asap! :)

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  9. indeed, finding ourselves is so important. I've been in college for 2 years yet still don't know exactly what I really want in this life. anyway, LOVE your writing and love how you include John Green in it. stay in touch<3
    www.rebelrebel.co x

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    1. I agree, I can't actually even understand those people that are our age and have all their lives planned through already! I think some spontaneity is good, but you shouldn't be as chaotic and spontaneous as me in case things go wrong either.
      Anyways, thank you so much for your input! <3

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  10. I enjoyed reading and wish I could have thought about some of the things you mentioned before graduating.

    You have a great writing style. I just followed you, I hope to read more :)

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  11. fantastic and really interesting post my dear, I really enjoyed reading those words! finding ourselves is so important, that's the first thing to do before doing or deciding anything else... xoxo <3

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  12. Such a deep post, I love reflective posts like these! I think at these ages people are so different and grow at completely different rates, it's so strange sometimes that they are the same age! Some people are so old at 19 and some feel no different from being 16 or so. I think both are completely okay, but I love trying to maintain a young outlook on the world so everything is new and worth trying out :D

    Would love to follow each other! I really like your blog :D xx

    elizabeth | ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara | bloglovin follow for follow

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  13. Oh gosh that sounds so terrible! What idiots would kick you out after only two days?! That's so stupid! I'm really glad that you're taking this into a positive way, and I wish you all of the best in your gap year! :D

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  14. Nice sweater :)
    BLOG M&M FASHION BITES : http://bit.ly/1KGctjn
    Maria V.

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  15. you write so beautifully! I feel like it takes you time to find yourself, dreamer or not! what a lovely reflective post. esme xx
    esmemadeline.blogspot.com

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