The dilemma of the dreamer who woke up to the real world

There are people that don't dream at all, 
there are people that dream, wake up, get over it and live their lives,
then there are people that dream but can't remember their dreams once they wake up
and then there are the dreamers that never actually quite wake up.

Arriving at a new place and quickly noticing you don’t belong there can be grueling and scary, especially if you’ve already been looking forward living in this place for a while.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love the city of my university. It’s a wonderful place, full of wonderful people and potential adventures awaiting but I didn’t expect being told right after arrival that they were going to kick me out of my temporary home after only two nights which didn’t exactly leave me a lot of time and room to still look for something permanent to live. Yet, I still decided to give it a try and spend hours over hours looking through the websites of estate agencies and accommodations for rent – unfortunately though, all, literally ALL, of the results I had gotten were either way too far, unfurnished, didn’t have any bills included or totally out of my budget.
So I sat back reflecting for a while and came to the conclusion that it eventually was going to be best to just go on a gap year for now, especially since this study year was initially thought of as a time filler until I could apply to another university for an entirely different course that I had only missed the deadline for. I thought to myself:  “Of what avail is this one year insight into a BA in business going to be to me if I am going to be homeless (because, yes, I can afford my tuition fees but, let's be really honest here, I can certainly not afford paying 1000GBP or even more for my accommodation only in addition to that)?!
I’m a spontaneous person, hard to get down, but it did frustrate and hurt me having to scrap the idea of studying this course for a year – especially because rejecting an idea once it has taken a hold of me is not usually something that would ever come to my mind.
It’s not actually frustrating and hurtful because I feel sad since I obviously won’t get the chance to study this course, it’s frustrating and hurtful because this experience has made me feel so weak and immature, not capable of managing my life and getting over any obstacles on my own – simply, not ready for adult life. 
It completely casted the delusional image I have had of myself as the “independent and always secure and extremely emotionally stable 19-year-old” out of the window while the actual me stayed behind staring into the chaotic and stormy ocean aka. "adult life" watching the wind carry it away until it got out of sight.
Let me tell you, when you spend almost your entire lifetime imagining yourself in a certain position, as a certain person at a certain age and then learn that whatever you have imagined yourself to be isn’t the actual you, then that can be extremely challenging and stressful! And that is the exact situation I’m in at the moment. Right now, I’m actually rather frustrated but once that feeling is gone, I suppose all that will be left is going to be fear of the future. What is gonna happen if the very center, the protagonist, of all your plans, concepts and ideas is suddenly gone? That changes everything. It’s like you’ll have to completely redefine yourself.
I felt like an adult, independent and free, after graduating from high school, leaving the protected environment I've studied in to conquer the world (aka. starting university) and all that suddenly vanished and left the scary actual image of myself: an insecure, naive teenager, totally helpless and with no plans of how actual life works.
See, that’s the big issue if you’ve been pampered all your life because at some point people are gonna stop offering their support, being concerned with your problems and taking care of you 24/7 and that’s when the shock, the realization that the real world is not at all the place where you’ve been living so far, hits you and it hits you with an incredibly relentless brutality leaving no room and time for dreams or castles in the air anymore – Now the problem with this is, no room for dreams also means no room for dreamers and no room for dreamers means no room for me. 
So for the coming months, until my actual course at my actual university is going to start it will be my job to “find myself” because, as stupid as this might sound, I’m finally understanding the importance of all this and what people actually mean when they talk about this stuff now!
In a way, I’m even glad I’ve made the experience at this point in time, as there is still time for me to change and find out who and what I actually am. 

I think this is a state most dreamers will find themselves in at some point of their lives, it's scary to suddenly 'wake up', not knowing if or when you'll ever be able to dream again, but although this might a gloomy time, it is certainly not a time to throw in the towel! I'm a firm believer that situations like this are supposed to teach us a lesson, and more importantly, that they, like the entire journey we call 'life', are supposed to be made the best out of. 

My intention is not to scare any of you who are still about to graduate and start university with this post. All I wanted was to simply tell you my story and recent experiences so that you won’t make the same mistake and wake up one day finding yourself in the same quandary that I’m in at the moment. 
So before you start your course/job (or whatever you are going to do after you graduate from high school or college), do some serious self reflection – this might sound ridiculous – but seriously, if you’re not 100% sure of how you are going to manage, live, afford things, arrange your time wisely, etc., think about a way to be 100% sure of all those things. Plan everything in advance, and in addition to that, maybe even develop a plan B just in case so you’ll be prepared if things don’t run as smoothly as you expect them to straight after the motto: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."
And then, even in the unlikely case of you getting into a situation similar to mine, always keep in mind: 

xx ♡ Micky

Coordinate: Monolove

Necklace : H&M | Dress : Zara

 This is gonna be my last, belated, summer look for this season featuring gel hair and smokey eyes.
It's funny how you never realize how short your hair is until you gel it all back but I still wouldn't want it to be any longer, especially not for this look. I've been trying to personify my style a little more lately and decided that edgy & elegant was what I'm gonna go for, though, there might still be some looks that are gonna be exceptions to this in the future but let's not waste too much time planning for the future now, we live now, today and tomorrow is really just a mystical land that we humans store 99% of our productivity, motivation and achievement (credits to the quote I once read this in somewhere).
 
Btw. I'm so glad I still got the time to write and publish this post because I'm currently on the airport waiting for boarding to go back to the UK to finally join and experience the, probably most exciting time of our lives, university life! 
And can I just confess that I like airports – Especially the time when you're waiting for boarding because it's so fun for me to just watch all the business people hectically type some last messages and send their last emails before the wi-fi-less-time on board of the plane and to witness all the conversations that are just being started because people finally find someone who speaks their language and it's so nice for me to just sit there and listen while they're exchanging those little stories about their lives. 
The only thing I probably like even more than the time when you wait for boarding at an airport is the time right after check-in and security because you just sort of sit there and wait for your gate to open while all the people that are late for their own flights rush past you and in those moments it somehow feels like time stands still for me.

Anyways, back to topic. I really hope you like this look and I want you to know I'm so grateful to each one of you taking the time to even read my boring blog posts haha!<3

Do you use lookbook? 

What style would you wanna be associated with?

Let me know in the comments below! :)

xx ♡ Micky

Coordinate: Holographic

Dress : Topshop | Sandals : Lamoda | Clutch Bag : River Island | Bracelet : Swarovski

Here's, probably one of my preppiest but also edgy, looks for summer or for the last sunny & warm days of transition, of course featuring a nice jacket or coat if it's colder, but this is really more of an outfit I would wear to a night out. I wore this topshop dress/tunic/filler for my birthday party actually and it was really convenient, I didn't get too hot or cold throughout the whole night. My hair is longer in the pictures thanks to a half wig btw. (I'm really a fan of half wigs so I might write a post on them soon)!
Other than that there's really way too much stuff going on in my life at the moment. Do you know that feeling you get when there's so many things to do that you actually can't even do them all until the deadline so you just kinda resign? Exactly... But I wouldn't be me if I wouldn't somehow manage to do it – I believe nothing is impossible as long as you just stay positive and believe in yourself and it has gotten me quite a distance now so I can't say it was the stupidest thing to believe :)

xx ♡ Micky